Thorough Exam

Investigate my life, O God,
    find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
    get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
    then guide me on the road to eternal life. (Psalm 139:23-24 MSG)

My thoughts, my actions, my words; do they reflect the life Jesus intended for me?  I'm reading a few different devotions from Sue Boldt's Refresh, to a few from the Bible app.  They are surrounding the same message; true transformation.  As I examine my life I wonder how I can be so different in the different settings of my life.  Around my family I'm one way, at work I'm another, and around strangers I'm another.  It's scary!  I have so many different ways of acting and thinking that I haven't fully understood what it is to fully surrender everything to Christ and realistically let Him lead me.

I want to be tested!  Well, I want to allow myself to be tested.  I am a full blown potty mouth!  I curse, and I know it's wrong.  But it's been part of my vocabulary for so long, these words just slip!  However, I'm conscious of it after the fact of course.  In Sue's Refresh she mentions the verses:
13-16 Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here’s what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn’t wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn’t wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn’t wisdom. It’s the furthest thing from wisdom—it’s animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you’re trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others’ throats. (James 3:14-16 MSG)
I am definitely a talker.  I talk a huge game and I know I can back it up.  But do I ever?? Do I take risks, do I go out and minister on my own?  I don't.  My actions aren't speaking loud enough!  Wow, this is definitely a reality check.   I'm super prideful too.  So I think I'm the best at EVERYTHING - which of course I know I'm not.  I give really good advice, but do I follow it? For the most part yes...but of course I'm not perfect.  The Lord revealed something to me tonight ---- it's not about me.  It's about His will - and I shouldn't worry about being perfect....Let my actions work through Christ's overflow in me....phew. Now that's refreshing.