I want it now...

You know when you're just 'in between' and you want God to tell you what's next?  But nothing is really happening?  Yea - that's me right now.  I've got a ton of resources.  Books, Bible, people, church.  I am struggling on reaching out to people.  Everyone has their own 'stuff'.  Why would I need to add to their burdens?  But God said that it's good to reach out, fellowship, and be a part of a community.  How else am I supposed to be held accountable for things?  But then I feel like no one understands me. I mean, I am receptive to what they say, but I feel like I talk too much.  As if my complaints are overboard.  It is soooo hard for me to open up.

Then I feel as if I don't need to open up and a relationship with God is all I need.  Man - lies lies lies!

When will it end?!  The struggle is real people!

I want the fire back, I want growth, I want community.  I am in a stupid rut right now.