Tenderly Linked

My mind is always wondering and wandering. About the future, about the past, about the present. Over confident and insecure at the same time.  However, I am learning that living a life in the word is take it all away.  Not in a sense of putting blinders on - but learning how to deal with these issues.  I know that there are a lot of lies that need to be broken.  "We also learn that God will not move so fast that we can't keep up with Him." (Sue Boldt - Refresh)  I am known to be impatient and controlling, but there is comfort to know that God knows exactly what I need and when I need it.  So many times have I tried to take control on my own - and oh so many more times have I failed.

I have come to the understanding that I need to dig deep and sink right into my savior.  He is not going to let me down.  I mean really - who do I think I am? I feel like Jesus is getting right in my face and saying exactly that..."Who do you think you are?  You know I love you right?  You know that I'm going to take care of you right?"  and stubborn ol' me is saying..."Sure?"  Well turning that question mark into an exclamation point is the real struggle.  #thestruggleisreal

Lies are being broken now;
-Proving myself
-Being independent
-Trying not to be vulenerable
-Always being in control
-feeling Not important or significant

But like Sue said -  I need to start and continue to break down the lies of my past.  I need to let go of the shame and guilt.  As I'm typing this I'm already starting to feel a tear-jerker coming on.  Wow this is hard - just saying it.  I feel as if my problems don't matter - but that's not true - God wants to heal me. Oh Lord I ask and beg for it now.  I want to hear you without the clutter.  I know you won't make this obvious - but i want to get close.